Enslaved: Odyssey To The West or A Contrived Excuse To Show The World Your Vacation Photos

I had such high hopes for this game.  The people who gave us Enslaved had previously given us the Sacred Volume known as Heavenly Sword.  Now they see fit to give us photos from Andy Serkis' private life with a game wrapped awkwardly around it.  Oh and Spoilers by the way.  Should have mentioned that sooner maybe.



Now it's not that the bulk of the game is real life photos of the man who played Gollum it's actually just a small part.  A small bizarre part that is crucial to a terrible Matrix themed ending.  And the real life photos along with the live action video at the end; jar with the rest of the games computer rendered visuals like sand paper on glass.  They have committed the Sin of Wall-e.

(For all who don't know what this sin is I'll explain.  Pixar's Wall-e contains clips of live action footage.  They show film of Hello Dolly as well as Fred Ward.  Most of the movie is computer animated but not all.  When Wall-e was nominated for the Academy award of best animated movie some in the animation industry were upset, and rightly so in my opinion.  The objectors said that since live action clips were used in the movie the film is not technically animated.  They have a point.  Animation is a laborious process.  Another movie that were 100% animated could rightly feel cheated by Pixar's nomination, even if Wall-e is 99% animated it doesn't matter.)

Now on to the mishandling of Pigsy.  Pigsy could have been a great character.  He could have been a funny foil for Monkey.  Instead he was made into cliche comic relief.  He could have been used to encourage Monkey and Trip in their relationship but instead he tried to come between them.  How many times have we seen that before.

The whole games is an exercise in missed opportunities and undeveloped potential.  Monkey and Trip are engaging characters but are never fully realized.  Neither is their relationship which started out as interesting, compelling, and complex.  But it quickly and quietly moves to the background and then seems to disappear altogether.  When Trip offers to let Monkey go and he insists on staying enslaved to her it rings hollow.  The proper time that needed to be invested for that potentially beautiful moment never happened.

Likewise the story held promise but nothing was ever delivered on that promise.  The combat camera was a pain but forgivable.  Simplistic combat not so much.  And there were several Trip command events that failed to trigger for no reason an then start working inexplicably.  Over all the game felt short and rushed.  The environment of the game rubbed me the wrong way.  The end felt like a cop out.  Like the design team was like "We got to finish this before our lunch break.  Lets just rip off the Matrix and call it good."  For shame Team Ninja, for shame.  I expect better from you.

So Civ V is out and omigosh the world leaders now speak in their native languages.

(Insert girlish squeal here.)

That was all sarcasm ( I point it out because in print you can almost never tell).  I mean what a dumb selling point, yet it is one that the games makers and other reviewers have touted repeatedly.  Now when you play Civ V you won't be able to understand nine tenths of all foreign interactions.  Sure there are subtitles, but I don't want to read.  Print is dead.... er, I mean... print in games is dead.  Yeah.  Print is still totally applicable in other formats.  Like blogs.

The aforementioned makers of the game said that this feature would make the game much more immersive.  I disagree.  If anything it kicks me out of the game.  When I attack Rome the last thing I want to hear is Caesar jibbering at me in Latin.  When Bismark is negotiating a trade with me I don't want him to sound like he's farting out his mouth.  Give me dialogue I can understand.  Give them accents if you want.  Don't give me subtitles.

 "Pardon his french-"

"No.  I will NOT pardon his french!"

But above all, if you insist on giving me language I can't understand don't make it sound like it's such a cool neat thing.  It's a backdrop, it's atmosphere.  If you highlight it you ruin it.

There are plenty of worthwhile things to emphasize in this game other than language.  The switch from squares to hexagons.  The improved tactics regarding geography.  The elimination of troop stacking.

And to be fair all those were spotlighted, and they do sound like interesting features.  But the fact that Montezuma has finally found his original voice is not one of them.

1up-manship

As excited as I am for Star Wars the Force Unleashed II, it feels like they're shamelessly trying to out do all other Jedi.  Just observe this trailer.




Luke Skywalker Struggled against one Rancor, oh yeah well our Jedi warrior fearlessly attacks something that eats Rancors for breakfast.

Yoda Thee Jedi Master strained  to pull an X-Wing out of a bog, well our Starkiller ripped a Imperial Star Destroyer out of orbit in the first game.

That being said I still can't wait for this game.

Lords of Cliché

There is a new Castlevania game coming out and it looks really cool.

However...  A hero with a dead girlfriend and mask that brings people back to life (supposedly).    I can't help but feel like we've seen this before.

Not to menton that Hideo Kojima is a producer (whatever that means).  He was the man that with one hand gave us Metal Gear Solid but then with the other hand inflicted Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty.

The game is said to feature Alucard (Dracula spelled backwards, took me forever to realize that.  Just like it took me twenty years to figure out the pun in the Beatles name.) Dracula's son.  The news of this has me giddy as a school girl.  Alucard was in Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, the best Castlevania game I've ever played.

And so with great fear and trepidation I anticipate this game.  I am cautiously optimistic.  But they certainly have a long way to fall.

Japanese Culture

I have often bemoaned the current blend of Japanese culture which is so prevalent in video games, particularly the Japanese ones.  Now don't get me wrong I love Final Fantasy VII.  But since then I have been increasingly baffled by their culture.  Next was FF8 with it's main character who had less charisma than a brick wall.  I watched Princess Mononoke which wasn't... awful.  Then I watched Steamboy which was.  And somewhere in the middle was Howl's Moving Castle.  Then I was surprised by Spirited Away, finally a Alice in Wonderland story that made sense.  Then there was the miss-paced Ponyo.

 And I tried, honestly I did.  I watched anime, Cowboy Bebop was great and I naively thought it would all be like that.  But then Full Metal Alchemist are you kidding me?

So any way this video manages to capture just about everything in Japanese culture that I dislike.  Things which are so hard to put into words.


One thing I can put into words is Japan's strange need to promote environmentalism.  Which is also featured in the video.  It's like a dead horse they keep beating.  Sure we shouldn't destroy the environment but I can't help feeling a little like Mr. Burns.

"Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing. Well I say, hard cheese."    — CM Burns.

Katametle

I can't help but think that the inspiration for Katamari

Came from ...

a dung beetle.

And just for fun

Starcraft II

One video game for the price of three.