Enslaved: Odyssey To The West or A Contrived Excuse To Show The World Your Vacation Photos

I had such high hopes for this game.  The people who gave us Enslaved had previously given us the Sacred Volume known as Heavenly Sword.  Now they see fit to give us photos from Andy Serkis' private life with a game wrapped awkwardly around it.  Oh and Spoilers by the way.  Should have mentioned that sooner maybe.



Now it's not that the bulk of the game is real life photos of the man who played Gollum it's actually just a small part.  A small bizarre part that is crucial to a terrible Matrix themed ending.  And the real life photos along with the live action video at the end; jar with the rest of the games computer rendered visuals like sand paper on glass.  They have committed the Sin of Wall-e.

(For all who don't know what this sin is I'll explain.  Pixar's Wall-e contains clips of live action footage.  They show film of Hello Dolly as well as Fred Ward.  Most of the movie is computer animated but not all.  When Wall-e was nominated for the Academy award of best animated movie some in the animation industry were upset, and rightly so in my opinion.  The objectors said that since live action clips were used in the movie the film is not technically animated.  They have a point.  Animation is a laborious process.  Another movie that were 100% animated could rightly feel cheated by Pixar's nomination, even if Wall-e is 99% animated it doesn't matter.)

Now on to the mishandling of Pigsy.  Pigsy could have been a great character.  He could have been a funny foil for Monkey.  Instead he was made into cliche comic relief.  He could have been used to encourage Monkey and Trip in their relationship but instead he tried to come between them.  How many times have we seen that before.

The whole games is an exercise in missed opportunities and undeveloped potential.  Monkey and Trip are engaging characters but are never fully realized.  Neither is their relationship which started out as interesting, compelling, and complex.  But it quickly and quietly moves to the background and then seems to disappear altogether.  When Trip offers to let Monkey go and he insists on staying enslaved to her it rings hollow.  The proper time that needed to be invested for that potentially beautiful moment never happened.

Likewise the story held promise but nothing was ever delivered on that promise.  The combat camera was a pain but forgivable.  Simplistic combat not so much.  And there were several Trip command events that failed to trigger for no reason an then start working inexplicably.  Over all the game felt short and rushed.  The environment of the game rubbed me the wrong way.  The end felt like a cop out.  Like the design team was like "We got to finish this before our lunch break.  Lets just rip off the Matrix and call it good."  For shame Team Ninja, for shame.  I expect better from you.

So Civ V is out and omigosh the world leaders now speak in their native languages.

(Insert girlish squeal here.)

That was all sarcasm ( I point it out because in print you can almost never tell).  I mean what a dumb selling point, yet it is one that the games makers and other reviewers have touted repeatedly.  Now when you play Civ V you won't be able to understand nine tenths of all foreign interactions.  Sure there are subtitles, but I don't want to read.  Print is dead.... er, I mean... print in games is dead.  Yeah.  Print is still totally applicable in other formats.  Like blogs.

The aforementioned makers of the game said that this feature would make the game much more immersive.  I disagree.  If anything it kicks me out of the game.  When I attack Rome the last thing I want to hear is Caesar jibbering at me in Latin.  When Bismark is negotiating a trade with me I don't want him to sound like he's farting out his mouth.  Give me dialogue I can understand.  Give them accents if you want.  Don't give me subtitles.

 "Pardon his french-"

"No.  I will NOT pardon his french!"

But above all, if you insist on giving me language I can't understand don't make it sound like it's such a cool neat thing.  It's a backdrop, it's atmosphere.  If you highlight it you ruin it.

There are plenty of worthwhile things to emphasize in this game other than language.  The switch from squares to hexagons.  The improved tactics regarding geography.  The elimination of troop stacking.

And to be fair all those were spotlighted, and they do sound like interesting features.  But the fact that Montezuma has finally found his original voice is not one of them.

1up-manship

As excited as I am for Star Wars the Force Unleashed II, it feels like they're shamelessly trying to out do all other Jedi.  Just observe this trailer.




Luke Skywalker Struggled against one Rancor, oh yeah well our Jedi warrior fearlessly attacks something that eats Rancors for breakfast.

Yoda Thee Jedi Master strained  to pull an X-Wing out of a bog, well our Starkiller ripped a Imperial Star Destroyer out of orbit in the first game.

That being said I still can't wait for this game.

Lords of Cliché

There is a new Castlevania game coming out and it looks really cool.

However...  A hero with a dead girlfriend and mask that brings people back to life (supposedly).    I can't help but feel like we've seen this before.

Not to menton that Hideo Kojima is a producer (whatever that means).  He was the man that with one hand gave us Metal Gear Solid but then with the other hand inflicted Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty.

The game is said to feature Alucard (Dracula spelled backwards, took me forever to realize that.  Just like it took me twenty years to figure out the pun in the Beatles name.) Dracula's son.  The news of this has me giddy as a school girl.  Alucard was in Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, the best Castlevania game I've ever played.

And so with great fear and trepidation I anticipate this game.  I am cautiously optimistic.  But they certainly have a long way to fall.

Japanese Culture

I have often bemoaned the current blend of Japanese culture which is so prevalent in video games, particularly the Japanese ones.  Now don't get me wrong I love Final Fantasy VII.  But since then I have been increasingly baffled by their culture.  Next was FF8 with it's main character who had less charisma than a brick wall.  I watched Princess Mononoke which wasn't... awful.  Then I watched Steamboy which was.  And somewhere in the middle was Howl's Moving Castle.  Then I was surprised by Spirited Away, finally a Alice in Wonderland story that made sense.  Then there was the miss-paced Ponyo.

 And I tried, honestly I did.  I watched anime, Cowboy Bebop was great and I naively thought it would all be like that.  But then Full Metal Alchemist are you kidding me?

So any way this video manages to capture just about everything in Japanese culture that I dislike.  Things which are so hard to put into words.


One thing I can put into words is Japan's strange need to promote environmentalism.  Which is also featured in the video.  It's like a dead horse they keep beating.  Sure we shouldn't destroy the environment but I can't help feeling a little like Mr. Burns.

"Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing. Well I say, hard cheese."    — CM Burns.

Katametle

I can't help but think that the inspiration for Katamari

Came from ...

a dung beetle.

And just for fun

Starcraft II

One video game for the price of three.

Team Tifa

I'm Team Tifa.  It has taken me a long time to come to this decsision.  I used to be Team Aeris big time but well, she's dead.

And as cool as necrophilia is, it's a one way street.  Cloud and Tifa deserve better than that.

And for that matter Aeris deserves better.  But hey she's got Zack.  They can be dead together.  

Or maybe it's more like this, I'm not to sure what the afterlife is like.

Pretty much sums it up

And check out this site for more fun.

A Few Quick Thoughts On God Of War III

(SPOILERS!)
The fights with Poseidon and Hades are EPIC. Poseidon's is due to the sense of scale and the fact that it takes place on Mount Olympus and Gia herself. The fight with Hades is brutal, visceral, and pleasantly tough.

The sex is there and it's better than ever.

The fights with Hermes, Hercules, and the death of Hera are disappointing. Hermes is my second favorite God but in this game he is reduced to a wisecracking speedster who goes down all to easily. Hercules is hands down THEE epic hero. Seeing him likewise reduced to little more than a mini boss is saddening. I can't help but feel that Hera's death, which takes place entirely in a cut scene, is a missed opportunity.

The ending is LAME. Unfulfilling and confusing. Which is a shame because overall this game is a wonder to behold.

This installment was better than the second game, inferior to the first. But it like the entire series stands head shoulders, and even torso, above almost every other game out there.

Videogame Valentine Vixens

Isn't alliteration fun.

I warn yee, ahead there be spoilers.
Arr.

With it being Valentines and all I thought it would be fun to write a little something for all the video game girls who have set my heart a flutter over the years. And so with out further ado...

Rikku and Yuffie.

I mention these two together because they very similar. Their both thieves, both are spunky, conniving, scheming, thieving, quirky vixens that I can't help but love.








My Favorite Rikku Moments
Its hard to pin point just one moment. But the ones I think I like the most is whenever she just starts yelling in Al Bed and acting all indignant.

My favorite Yuffie Moments
When I first met Yuffie I fell for her. Her cuteness, her conniving, the way she kept talking to herself after the group had moved on. And that adorable little "cha cha cha" arm movement. In short she stole my materia and my heart.


Aya Brea

Who brings a gun to the opera? Detective Aya Brea that's who

Not every New York cop can look hot in formal attire and have a rhyming name. If that weren't impressive enough she battles genetic monsters with grit, savvy, and general hotness.

When picking the girls for this post I tried not to focus on just looks, which is why you wont see Lara Croft on this list. I wanted to highlight the female video game heroines that had evoked an emotional response and weren't just eye candy. (Not that I'm saying anything against Lara, I haven't played any tomb raider games that's all. So I couldn't form any kind of connection with her. If you have that's great leave me a comment about it.) But Aya comes close to foiling that attempt.

I like her... why? Well she is very nice to look at. But I think there is more than that. I'm not sure exactly what it is. It's been years since I played Parasite Eve but even now she stirs something in me. And I'm not just talking about the obvious. I think what I love about her is she manages to pull off a look that is powerful yet vulnerable at the same time.


Farah
(Do you know how hard it is to find a good Sands of Time Farah picture. After a ten minute google image search this was the best I could get. Ten minutes!)
Sure the Empress of Time might have bigger breasts but Farah has more character.

What was refreshing about the Prince and Farah's relationship is that we got to watch it unfold from its beginnings which started out on very unequal terms. Farah is the captured daughter of a conquered maharajah. But as she and the Prince are thrust into terrible situations a bond is slowly formed, it strengthens and blossoms into love. Aside for shooting me occasionally (and her AI was a lot better than most) she was helpful in combat. Never afraid to speak her mind or take action into her own hands I can easily see why the Prince fell for her. As he would talk to himself about her I found my self feeling the same way. I loved her in the library as she starts reading some poetry while the Prince is trying to solve a puzzle.

I couldn't help but enter first person view and just stare at her. Not to ogle her, but to bask in her radiance. And maybe ogle a little bit. The dialogue exchanges that occurred because of that are quite memorable to me. Early in the game I'd sit and stare until she'd call me on it. Later she'd stare back and comment on my eyes. And while she got the color wrong I... oh yeah it was the Prince not me she was talking to. Oh so easy to forget.

Now true she did sleep with the Prince to trick him out of his dagger, (hmm, something Freudian about that sentence.) I can't really fault her for doing it. The Prince had already let out the sands once, and then failed to recapture them because he couldn't get over his trust issues with her. She was just trying to do what needed to be done.

It broke my heart at the conclusion of the the game that she didn't even know who I was anymore. The next two games did little to console my heart ache, story wise I prefer to think they never happened.


Nariko and Kai

Another duo, this time from the same game. One of the best games ever made too.

Favorite Nariko Moments
Although she'd probably kill me as soon as look at me I can't help but be entranced by Nariko. She reminds me of a tigress. Fierce, beautiful, and deadly.

She goes through the extreme emotions of fearing her father, to hating him, to forgiving him. Her unique path of the warrior was an experience unlike anything I have ever witnessed. I watched as she took up the Heavenly Sword out of desperation even though she knew it meant her doom. Through the course of her wielding it she was transformed not just physically but spiritually as well. She selflessly risks her life to save her captured tribesmen. They in turn curse her, blaming her for their misfortunes. Beyond all that she doesn't just defeat and enemy warlord that threatened her tribe but she teaches and leads them to a truer understanding of themselves. That Fate is not in the hands of Gods or prophecy, but that each person must choose their path and in so doing they affect the world.

Favorite Kai Moments
Kai is a mentally unstable girl with a skill for using the crossbow and appetite for eating worms. She suffered the loss of her entire tribe and witnessed the murder of her mother. A girl like that in our society would be treated with therapy and would possibly be institutionalized. Nariko's tribe gave her a weapon and told her to kill people.

I'd love to play "Twing Twang" with her, provided I'm not the target (and with Kai you never know.) I fell in Love with Kai during the rescue of Nariko's father. When she was shooting down bad guys. When she missed one and she said to herself "Silly Kai. Must try harder." I guess I have a thing for girls that talk to themselves.

The raw emotion as she throws the sword to Nariko in the arena even while running for her life from what has got to be the biggest fear in her life is unparalleled. When she finally kills Flying Fox I cheered with tears in my eyes.


Tifa and Aeris

My favorite videogame of all time is Final Fantasy VII. Aeris and Tifa have something to do with that.

Favorite Tifa Moments
The Slap fight with Scarlet was epic!

As if I need to say more but there is so much more to say. Tifa tends bar, is killer good at Martial arts, is member of a terrorist organization, and is the quintessential girl next door.

Why does unrequited love pull at our heartstrings so much? I don't know. But Tifa tugs away till it hurts (who, talk about double entendres.) In some way's Tifa kinda reminds me of General Lee. I know that's an awkward comparison to make but let me explain. Even though Lee lost the Civil War he still came out as sympathetic figure. Many people admire him for his tactics and consider him a hero and a true southern gentleman. Tifa lost Clouds heart but the fans are just crazy for her, and with good reason.

For someone who can pack a nuke into a punch Tifa is a very sensitive person.

To be honest I wasn't favoring Tifa for most of the game. I leaned more towards Aeris. But then the scene with Tifa and Cloud under the Airship changed my mind. I'm not sure why. It was like I saw Tifa for the first time. A beautiful, vulnerable, and caring individual. She loved Cloud so much I ached for her. So now I can't pick between to two of them.

Favorite Aeris Moments
It is a rare woman that will help a man cross dress so that they can sneak into a brothel and rescue her romantic rival. Aeris is this type of woman. A woman who will still sell flowers in the middle of a terrorist attack. A woman who pays for bodyguard service with dates. A woman pursued by all and who ultimately sacrifices herself to save the world. How can you not love a woman like that.

When she died my world fell apart. I went into mourning for a month. I couldn't play game it hurt to much. But I knew that Aeris would want me to continue. In the corner of my heart where I keep a place for videogames the softest spot is reserved for Aeris.

Ah if only they were real. But who am i kidding, if they were they'd be just as unattainable as they are now.

Now this whole post is not about spending all my time fantasizing over fictional women. These characters have made an impact on me emotionally. The same way characters from a book, movie, or TV show could. They all taught me a little something about the human condition and I value that.

So Happy Valentines Day.

Anyway these have been my picks for favorite videogame valentines. What are yours and why?